I'm not the only professor who complains when students ask "Did anything important happen in class?" My quote in yesterday's Huffington Post article on professors' pet peeves, prompted graduate student and Jane Austen fan extraordianaire, Ardis, to bring by a great poem by Tom Wayman with a similar theme. Thanks Ardis for the poem. I'm reprinting here because it is well, rather humorous, from a professor's point of view.
Did I Miss Anything?
From: The Astonishing Weight of the Dead. Vancouver: Polestar, 1994.
Question frequently asked by students after missing a class
Nothing. When we realized you weren't here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours
Everything. I gave an exam worth
40 per cent of the grade for this term
and assigned some reading due today
on which I'm about to hand out a quiz
worth 50 per cent
Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose
Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
a shaft of light descended and an angel
or other heavenly being appeared
and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
to attain divine wisdom in this life and
This is the last time the class will meet
before we disperse to bring this good news to all people
Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?
Everything. Contained in this classroom
is a microcosm of human existence
assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
This is not the only place such an opportunity has been
but it was one place
And you weren't here